Caldera

Hello Endorphins, I've missed you.

Yes, I finally dragged my sorry, lazy b*** to the gym today. The last straw was when I realized recently that if I didn't do something to contain this issue, I might end up having to buy a whole new set of jeans and we all know how much I hate that. And I don't even really dislike going to the gym. Just like waking up, if I decide to do it and just push through the first couple of minutes, I am actually pretty sold on the idea.
And when I got out after the workout, the breeze was just right, and the right song was playing on my phone ... and yes, the aforementioned Es were making me giddy.

But now I've blown all that good energy from going to the gym and an early dinner and some house chores by staying up so late waging wars against the Zombiekind with my peashooters and puffshrooms. Oh well. Every day we learn. Some day we will retain.

And so, philosophically, to bed.

Codicil

Today I entered into a life long commitment. And I did it with very little thought. Here's how it happened. I was at the checkout of the local Sports Authority, paying for my new gym bag among other things.

Guy at the counter : ( reading the tag on my new bag as he put everything in a bag) and this one has a life time warrantee
Me : !!
Me : ( a brief pause later) so what happens if anything happens to the bag ?
GATC : oh, you need to go to Adidas but they'll replace it for you.

There. Me and Adidas. *Together*. Forevvvver. And they say such things are hard to find.

A new wave of socks has entered my life. And with color to boot. (Haha. Socks and boot. Yeah, I am clever that way). Hope these last a decent while without getting all out of shape in two washes.

Lots of such hosiery musings that I could share but my heart isn't in it. Time to go read about supernovae and such.

and so to bed.

Milagroso

Accidentally ended up watching an hour of So You Think You can Dance this evening. It was an amazing episode. Such beauty, such grace, such power. It was poetry in motion. And after watching a couple of dances, I felt like clapping - not the polite claps that you have to pull out when you listen to a pretty-good speech, or at some wedding or reception or some other party but the unembarassed clapping when you have been awed into a semi-trance - be it by wit or elegance or wonder or persona.

Anyways, here we are. I read somewhere - and I am definitely paraphrasing here - that "It is better to be content with all the seasons rather than be foolishly in love with Spring". I am not convinced. Rather, I disagree. First of all, love, by definition, is foolish. It is not a logical series of steps that ends with Hence Proved. Love is foolish. Love is overwhelming. Love is unreasonable. We demand so much and extend ourselves so much from/for the object(s) of our love. And we need love. Life needs love. More than love, though, life needs insanity. It needs imbalance. So go, find your rush. Whatever it is, find it. And love it. And don't let anyone talk you out of it. Especially that diabolical twin of yours - your logical self. Sure, go out there and chase the Human Dream - success, wealth, contentment. Be good, be responsible, be smart, be successful, be ambitious, be deep, be compassionate. But also : be insane. We all have something - a sport, a hobby, a job, a movie, whatever it is. Running, hiking, seeing the world, teaching, growing a garden, creating new technology, patenting success, solving puzzles, writing a book, being a star. Whether it is painting the perfect wall or a breathtaking canvas - singing, laughing, friends, making lists, rock concerts, skylines, window views, restaurants or reviewing movies. Organic, retro, recycled, intense or laidback. Whatever it is. Take my word, life's too short. How crazy for life to not be just that - alive? And how crazy for it to not be about *you* and your insanity. Cause if you are lucky and you find it, then there'll be those occasional moments. Where it's not about anything else - not success, not skill, not ambition, not praise, not luck, not any standard that anyone can impose on you. It is about you - and the rush. Go do it, there's always time to overthink and reason later. Find your rush.

Madrigal

Softly falls the snow,
slowly rises the moon,
quietly blows the breeze,
steadily grows the friendship.
Slowly heals the bruise,
quietly flows the time,
steadily beats the heart,
softly comes the night,

and so fades my love.

~ finis ~

Marjorum

The lightning came first. Then the thunder. It didn't scare her. It never did - especially when she could see the lightning first. She opened the window a little more. Here was the wind now. Some drops of rain in it but heavy with the promise of many more. Her eyes closed and she smiled slightly. That smell. That heady smell of rain and freshly sprinkled earth - most lovely of them all. She leaned out a little, breathing deeply and settled on the arm of her couch. The only other piece of furniture in the room was a table lamp sitting on the floor and casting a dim light about it. I should unpack but it'll have to wait. Her feet were tired from all the walking and standing in lines. Her neck was sore from all the driving around town. Moving is *so* much work. It was strange how everything happened so quickly towards the end. A few months ago, she was vacationing in her home town with her parents and suddenly she was back and her manager was telling her of her group being dissolved. Her buddies were looking for jobs elsewhere. She could stay - move to a different group but it didn't seem like a great idea. She looked too, and found some openings thanks to her friends. The interview went well and she impulsively decided to move. Well, impulsive for her in that it hadn't been planned and discussed many months in advance. These things didn't happen to her. Life marched along a gnerally well marked-out course. No surprises. Except, there were.I guess I should've seen it coming. Actually, maybe I did. Maybe that's why I responded well to the situation. But everything had been a blur. She was just now grasping the fact of the move. It wasn't her first, certainly. She had done this a few times in the past - except the last one was a good 7 years ago. The rain was failling a little faster now. But the wind and the fragrance, both equally delightful, continued. She remembered the monsoons in the land she grew up in. Of how she would sit there in the verandah smiling at the rain - happy for the parched earth that could finally slake its thirst and was thanking the rain with that fragrance. They should bottle this up and sell it And that reminded her of the other favorite smell of hers. Marjorum. Maruvam. Deep, lovely, unique. Green marjorum between strands of jasmine. Sigh. She yawned. I'll sleep wonderfully. And no work for another 2 weeks means sleeping in. Lovely.
The clouds weren't staying, the wind was taking them with it.She mused on her thoughts : Nothing original - pretty bland and self centered as usual. Not blog-worthy. Maybe I should branch into fiction

Finis

Alizarin

Yup, life is complete. Now that I have the two things I've always wanted : Awesome cyan/turqoise/blue Vera Bradley bag and a pair of Keens. Yes, I haved Keened up. What are these Keens I speak of? They are just not-amazingly-got-looking, kinda funky, very expensive, seeming durable and extremely well-reviewed sandals that I've been mildly obsessing abt for the past couple of years. They are water-proof and light hike-ready as well. I will post a picture soon and you will see the light. As for the turqoise VB, it's already been documented in the past. Done. A life well lived.

And now it's time to move on. To new adventures and new discoveries. If there's one thing that I've learnt over the decades of my life, it is the fact that every time I think that life is all settled and pretty much going to progress in an unremarkable, steady sorta way (which is pretty often - in fact, I am in the throes of one such what-am-i-doing-with-my-life-i-need-goals-and-challenges phase right now), things change up. And that change, that unpredictability - I need. It's been a wonderful 5-6 months of steadiness, of contentment, of routine, of responsibilities - and I am very deeply grateful for all of it. Now, for some madness.

And so to the end of wonderfully relaxed long weekend.

apropos

What is a girl to do?

She is to do taxes, bills, clean up, car inspections and all the assorted administrative chores of everyday life. And manage to convince everyone, including herself that she is a productive and contributive member of the work force. All this while analyzing the world, her words and her actions and shopping for a comfortable and not-bad-looking jeans. It is a hard life.

It was a strange sorta day. Nothing particularly joyous - in fact, in many ways it was more of the same. Loads of work to do, a realization that the time is never going to be enough, uncertainty over how to tackle issues at work while still managing to do all one wants to do. But somehow through all this, there was a strange Zen. A feeling of being just about whelmed - not overwhelmed in any fashion. And once I made it home and got through a mini workout which accidentally included some cardio - I blame it on the fun Bollywood playlist that I setup to go along with my fun with weights - there came over me this general mood of happiness. Of things being right and good. Happiness for family, old and young, for friends, for Spring, for balcony views, for a fairly organized house, for Mohd Rafi's wonderful voice. Of course, we all know that whenever this happens, it just means that Fate is waiting in the wings to sock you in the eye (as has been proved time and again to Bertie Wooster) but that's a post for a different day, isn't it?

On that note, Goodnight, me hearties.